I work hard and pay my taxes like everyone else, well people that work that is, so what does NY do?? They FUCK me over.
I had a tax return that was supposed to be $653, which is fair considering how much they took out and my write offs. NO, they decide that I only get $208 instead. The fucking cocksuckers.
FUCK I am SO pissed right now.
Remember, don’t steal… the government hates competition
This one is for the more homophobic readers out there, so that they can know how to act when this, that most awkward of cultural institutions; the Man-Hug, occurs.
It is important to know how to correctly execute a successful man-hug, as they are utilised in various occasions throughout our lifetimes, certainly, to greet male family members, but also for other purposes; to share joy at a sporting teams’ success, or at a friend telling you he is going to get married. It’s usually advisable to perform a man-hug whilst under the influence of a gutful of alcohol, but with these instructions, hopefully you will be able to painlessly snap off a quick hug while sober as a judge.
Execution:
As you approach, the arms should be extended and raised, in pre-hug readiness. Your right arm should be higher than the left, however it is important that the right arm is not too high, and vitally important that the left never, ever be too low, nor should the arms embrace the recipient on too similar a latitude; thats how you hug your girlfriend, and we dont want to confuse anybody, especially yourself, now do we? Try and have the right hand 8-12 inches higher than the left.
As you approach, with arms raised and extended as shown, it is usual to omit a long vocal exclamation: “aaaaaaayyyyyyy.” as the hug continues, it is proper that this vocalisation assumes a questioning tone: “aaaaaaaayyyyyyy?”
It’s at this point of this questioning tone reaching its highest note, that the most important part of the man-hug occurs: the ritual back-slap. THIS IS THE MOST CRUCIAL PART OF THE CEREMONY.
The back-slap is important, because it is where you retain your masculinity while embracing another man. See, you’re hugging somebody, and this is giving love… in public. To counteract this possibly homosexual act, you need to cause pain. Not too much, but just enough in a ceremonial kind of way that says while you are giving love, you are also giving pain.
I would also advise the trusty three-beat slap, with enough force to push a little air out of the hugee’s lungs. Many people also go for the closed-fist beat on the back because we all know that it is far more masculine to punch someone then it is to slap them; and you can never be too careful in this circumstance.
Just as both the back-slap (or punch) and the vocals conclude, it is advisable to punctuate your man-hug with one more vocal: a loud, short “aarggh”, said with as deep, and as growly a voice as you can muster. After this you should dis-engage from the man-hug and contiue whatever it is that you were doing.
So there you have it, the Man-Hug in all its steadfastly heterosexual glory. I hope I’ve been of service to some of you reading this today, so that you can proudly go forth and hug to your hearts content.
But not too much, mind you. That might seem a little gay.
Here’s a fun little game I like to play… and you will to.
This time it’s idiots… here’s why…
Doctors at the Lübeck campus of the University Clinic of Schleswig-Holstein in northern Germany described the case in a medical bulletin, according to Ananova.com.
After eight years of marriage, the 36-year-old man and his 30-year-old wife went to the campus’ fertility clinic to figure out what was wrong.
Doctors gave them a battery of tests and were baffled — both husband and wife were healthily fertile.
Then came the important question.
“When we asked them how often they had had sex,” said a clinic spokesman, “they looked blank, and said: ‘What do you mean?’”
He went on to explain that each of the pair had been brought up extremely religiously and had never heard of the birds and the bees.
“We are not talking retarded people here,” the clinic spokesman said. The two “were simply unaware, after eight years of marriage, of the physical requirements necessary to procreate.”
The man and wife are now being given sexual therapy. The clinic is trying to find out if there are other couples in the area who could use a refresher course in human biology.
“You know that old saying, ‘Strike while the iron is hot?’ Well, I think that’s a pretty dumb saying, ’cause I’ll betcha a cold iron will hurt like hell, too.”
-Charlie Acord
