Published on
September 30, 2005 in
Funnies.
OK, it’s a little long, but it’s worth it. Enjoy!
Comedians of the 1930′s through the1950′s Bud Abbott and Lou Costello did a comedy sketch about baseball called “Who’s on First?” It might have turned out something like this in our day of computers:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about
buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don’t know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: A desktop and wallpaper.
COSTELLO: I already have a desk with a large top, so never mind the windows with the computer. I just need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is “office”.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? I told you I don’t want
windows installed in my computer.
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue “W”.
COSTELLO: I’m going to click your “blue ‘W’” if you don’t start with some
straight answers! OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the internet on
this computer?
ABBOTT: Yes, you’ll want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it’s a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I’m at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I
do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue “1″.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue “1″.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue “W”?
ABBOTT: The blue “1″ is Real One and the blue “W” is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in “office for windows”!
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it’s the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren’t many other Words left. It pretty
much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is “real one”?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn’t even part of
Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don’t start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What’s bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn’t it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
I am just too damned lazy to write my review for the BSG summer finale so I’ll let the fine folks at Cinescape say it for me…
Twenty-seven years ago, Commander Caine was a Colonial war hero with enough medals for his brash behavior to charm a fleet into following him into hell. As Bill Adama says, “Context matters.” Taking the original series two-parter “The Living Legend” as a starting point, the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA has created a completely new meal from the same basic ingredients.
Michelle Forbes, always an excellent choice for roles of this nature, makes a menacing turn as the now Admiral Caine. Aided by a skillfully crafted script that places restrained, but narratively loaded, interactions between the Admiral and Commander Adama in sharp contrast to more outwardly disturbing commentaries on the Admiral’s character, Forbes attains a depth of character that acting, writing, and directing would be unable to capture on their own. Her XO’s revelation that she executed his predecessor in front of the entire crew allows Michael Hogan to employ the horror he so ably brought to bare when Tigh assumed command and the Pegasus XO’s sudden downplaying of his “joke” had just the right ring of someone who realizes that he’s inadvertently crossed a line in a conversation. These elements of disparity between the two Battlestar crews are only the tip of the philosophical iceberg as far as the episode’s concerned.
On the whole, the Pegasus harbors a meaner kind of human, as much removed from the Galactica’s crew as they are from the Cylons. The rape and torture of Number Six serves as a benchmark for the savagery of Caine’s crew and Tricia Helfer’s pitiable performance would have been disturbing enough to warrant the warning that preceded the act concerning Boomer’s near rape. From a directorial standpoint, Baltar’s discovery of the battered Six contains a number elegant subtleties that do a good job of tying him into the scene. As he and his Number Six approach, their steps become synchronized, almost dance-like in their precision. There is no doubt that the Number Six we’ve seen all series is fully a part of Baltar and she voices his disgust for him as he views her counterpart’s bruised form. Congratulations to the make-up department who economically tells the audience the story of this incarcerated Number Six with a single shot and foretells the likely future of Boomer under Caine’s command.
Thematically, the episode could not be stronger. Every moment hinges on its context and President Roslin’s revelation that Caine outranks Adama is wonderfully delivered by Mary McDonnell. In this new context, the ally she’s earned through so much strife has been militarily castrated, a notion driven home be the reassignment of Apollo from the Galactica. Tigh, as ever incapable of grasping the big picture, believes Caine to be insane, but Adama cautions him not to consider a single action without all the facts. Edward James Olmos turns in one of his strongest performances carrying the weight of military protocol squarely on his shoulders until the context of the story brings him to the same decision his son undertook in the previous season finale. The subtle air of self-loathing that permeates his order to attack the Pegasus is a tribute to the actor and a tip of the hat to the episode’s theme. The Lords of Kobol willing, the score for this episode will feature prominently on the next soundtrack compilation–in both defying expectation and counterpointing emotion, it is without equal
“Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it’s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk”
- Stephen King
He may have tried to rob The Long and the Short of It, but he didn’t know the half of it.
Concord, N.H., police said Thomas Dufield, 37, of nearby Laconia broke into the aforementioned whimsically named hair salon Wednesday night, but had a little more trouble breaking out.
“He thought he would come out through [the window],” witness Rita Cummings told WMUR-TV of Manchester, N.H. “Of course, he couldn’t, so the police had to cut this out to get him out.”
Cummings called the cops when she saw someone breaking into the salon, and Dufield allegedly dove through a rear window when they arrived.
“Rita said some guy had broke in,” said salon owner Lori Haney. “I saw them taking his guy away on a gurney and he was handcuffed and everything.”
Fifteen dollars was found in Dufield’s pocket, allegedly from the salon’s cash register, according to police, who added that the suspect had a history of drug problems.
Firefighters cut the window frame out around Dufield, who was bleeding from the head and waist from broken glass.
“I’ve been around 25 years, and we’ve had people stuck in windows and chimneys and stuck in tight places,” said Lt. Walter Carroll.
Published on
September 27, 2005 in
The Weird.
I’ve recently come across a video of the anti-christ, err Bill Gates and Napoleon Dynamite. It’s supposed to be some comedy skit spoofing Bill and Napolean, but I don’t find Bill Gates or Napolean Dynamite all that funny. The quality isn’t all that great, but from what I’ve heard it’s difficult to find a good version of this.
You can download it here.
Here’s a little disclaimer about the quality…
“The Napolean Dynamite/Bill Gates video was shot with a hand-held camcorder at a Microsoft developers conference where the film was being viewed by the attendees. thats why it looks like CRAP!�
